lifeskillz

On Saturday, April 25, 2008, Mariska Bermudez, buried her only son and the oldest of her three children, in St.Croix. I cannot begin to fathom the intense emotional pain that this mother must be experiencing. She has not only outlived her child, but his tragic death could and should have been prevented. Jaheem Herrera was just eleven years old when he hanged himself in his bedroom closet, on April 16, 2009. This was after enduring eight months of constant verbal and physical bullying at his school, Dunaire Elementary, in Dekalb County, Georgia.

He was called “gay”, “snitch”, and “virgin”(because he was from the U.S. Virgin Islands), and picked on about his accent. The constant verbal abuse eventually escalated to a physical altercation in which he was choked in the boys’ bathroom. During those eight months Jaheem and his mother complained to school officials at Dunaire Elementary but they did nothing. “They haven’t done anything,” said his mother.

What makes the lack of school involvement even more incomprehensible is the fact that Jaheem was among countless others who suffered at the hands of Dunaire Elementary’s bullies. Another young boy, Camron, was transfered to another Dekalb County school, Rainbow Elementary, after he was beaten with a belt buckle, and yet another student’s back was bruised after having been thrown against a fence. Ironically, Mrs. Bermudez stated that her son appeared to be happier the afternoon before his death than when he had left for school that morning. I often wonder if Jaheem had already made his decision to commit suicide, which to him appeared to be his only outlet. When Jaheem spoke to his best friend, A.J.Brown, just hours before his death, he asked A.J. if anybody would miss him if he wasn’t there. A Vigil was held on April 21st outside the family’s home and a Memorial Fund has been established at Washington Mutual bank.

Having followed the news closely and donated to Jaheem’s Memorial Fund, I could not help but take the bullying issue personally. The issue of bullying has always existed, but only until the last ten years or so has it drawn national attention. Also, bullying no longer entails just the “old kidding around”: a few wisecracks here and there in class or derogatory name calling. I even witnessed one or two wedgies in my day, but that was all. However, the verbal and physical abuse have worsened to the point of being tortuous. I do not envy students today. In fact, I empathize with them. For some students Mondays are the worst days of the week, and even the weekends are not enjoyable because all the victims can think about is what will happen when they return to school.

My niece in California has experienced bullying, though not physical — as yet. She has been criticized for not wearing fashionable clothes and has actually been called a liar when questioned about her mother’s ethnicity. Her mother has gone to the school, just like Jaheem’s mother and complained, and that is only when/if my niece decides to admit she has been bullied and even when she remains silent, the indirect effects are tremendous. Her grades are plummeting and she becomes severely depressed when Sunday evening rolls around.

But why does bullying still exist? Why am I sitting here dissecting and then trying to piece together the Jaheem Herrera story while his assailants are probably at home playing videos, or out in the streets committing more crimes? The news coverage on other children have all done the same thing: they have tried to find the reasons why it occurred and if there was something about those children that encouraged it?

Kids, please do not think that the problem is you. It never is. The problem is your bully’s and the most important thing I want you to take from this post is to know that you are special. Yes, being different makes you special, and no, a big fat NO, I am not just saying this. I too was different as a child and I still am. Secondly, please do not keep the fact that you are being bullied from friends, family and teachers. These people are your second line of defense. Again, don’t forget the first line of defense is you, as well as every other victim of your bully. By taking a stand and telling someone older and stronger than you, is already placing control back into your own hands. Jaheem’s family did not know the scope of the bullying until after his death because he stopped talking about it and retreated to his room after school. If adults do not know what is going on they cannot help you. Please do not think that anyone will consider you weak.

Even if your school has an anti-bullying program, your teachers and other school officials cannot do anything unless they  are aware, so please tell a teacher immediately after an incident occurs. The bullies at Jaheem’s continued their harassment even after he died, because that school did nothing. However, your school may and should take a more pro-active approach.

If you are not a victim of bullying but know someone who is, please remember that SILENCE IS GOLDEN –but only for the bully. If you witnesss bullying say something. Do not convince yourself that if you stay quiet, your friend will eventually be left alone. Who knows, the next victim may be you. Taking a stand now can make a difference. If your friend appears sad, misses school due to “illness”, or talks about dying, that may be an indication that he/she can no longer deal with the constant bullying. It is an indirect cry for help, so do just that. Help.

Also remember that if you are not comfortable talking to someone at home or do not have a close friend you can talk to, please call the National Anti-Bullying Hotline at 1-877-443-9943. Go ahead and place it in your cell phone.

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